by Hopeful Mom-to-be
(Note: This post is the follow up from Picking up the Pieces after a Miscarriage)
My doctor had told me that it was best to wait three months but he also said that if I became pregnant sooner that it would be okay. Maybe it was because of my age, 38, or maybe it was to help me forget the pain from my first miscarriage I wanted to try after my second cycle. I also had read several studies that indicated that women in my age range that it was better to try again sooner rather than later. So we did!
Once again within a month, I was pregnant again. It was a great feeling and I started to focus on the new baby. I was so excited. The baby had the same delivery month as our first daughter. All I could think about was welcoming our new baby and all the many years of shared birthday celebrations between the siblings to come.
Sadly, I had the same feeling again. I didn’t feel pregnant. While the pregnancy test said I was, I knew something was not right again. I tried to brush it off as fear and doubt that was still around from the first miscarriage. But this time the bleeding came sooner. I still tried to remain hopeful, maybe it is spotting, I had spotting with my first pregnancy and she was healthy.
I went to the doctor and they gave me an ultrasound. I was so scared but again I knew that the baby was not growing. The technician confirmed that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was so upset but this time I felt that I sunk deeper in depression. All I could think about is why me? Why us? I realize that I had taken a chance having my children so late in life but there are so many women having healthy babies at my age, so why can’t I? And then I thought, well maybe God does not want us to have another child. This must be part of my plan to only have one child. I tried to focus on the fact that I was blessed with one beautiful, healthy girl rather than think about the second miscarriage.
With this miscarriage, nature didn’t take its course and the embryo stayed in me. I had to go in for a dilation and curettage (D&C) surgical procedure. The procedure entails dilating the cervix and a special instrument is used to scrape the uterine lining procedure to have the embryo removed. That was so hard to go into the hospital having a procedure and to go home with no baby.
And just like that my husband and I were once again we are left to pick up the pieces and figure if we wanted to try another time. But after this experience we decided to hold off on trying again and not share with family and friends about whether we were going to try or not to have another baby.
Hopeful Mom-to-be is a contributing writer who is sharing her journey to conceive a baby. By sharing her story she is hoping to help anyone going through difficulties conceiving or who has been through a miscarriage to know that they are alone.