by Angela Hedges
I had just come off an eight-year relationship and I was lost. Being single was never my thing. I tried the bar scene. I was set up by well-meaning friends. I signed up for online dating. There were many awkward and disappointing dates. A sympathetic coworker suggested I try a simple experiment: Draw a line down a piece of paper and title it “The Man of My Dreams.” On the left side I should write everything I was looking for in a guy and on the right side all the things I did not want. It had to be honest. Then I was to fold up the paper, put it in a drawer and forget about it, and the universe would bring me that guy.
I’m not sure if I rolled my eyes, but I know I laughed. It seemed so ridiculous. As months went by and my dating disasters became a favorite lunchroom topic, she would pester me about making my list. Finally I relented. The list was easy to start. We all want someone friendly, someone kind. As I went on I really had to think about this dream guy. Who was I honestly looking for? I wanted someone who wanted kids. Who agreed with me about how to spend money. Who didn’t lie. Who loved his work. I filled the page, slipped it into my nightstand drawer and forgot about it.
A year later, after I got engaged, I remembered the list and searched my nightstand drawer for the folded slip. I was shocked. My husband was everything I had wanted, and nothing I didn’t. It seemed impossible, but there it was on paper. My coworker was thrilled, having proven that the universe is working for us. And fast, too!
I have a less mystical explanation. Before, if a guy was sweet and friendly, I’d give him a shot even if he cut people off in traffic or blew his whole paycheck on new speakers. Nobody’s perfect, right? Making a dream list allowed me to focus on what I really wanted in a lifelong partner, what I wouldn’t put up with and most importantly what I deserved. Even though I didn’t look at the list again, I no longer wasted time dating men who weren’t what I wanted. So when Mr. Right came along he was easy to spot. No one is perfect, but he’s just the man for me.
After seeing how well the dream guy list worked, I kicked myself that I didn’t put “insanely wealthy” on there. But truthfully that wasn’t important to me. Honesty is the key. You’ve got to really figure out what you want. Then you see opportunities more clearly and can recognize what isn’t right for you. And it can work for anything, not just the man of your dreams. When I was unhappy at work I made a list for my ideal job. The next job I landed didn’t match everything on my list, but it was by far the best place I have ever worked. We are so powerful. We can make our dreams a reality. We just have to sit down and figure them out first.
Angela Hedges put aside a career in social media to pursue her passions: family and writing. As a mother she is inspired to explore the struggles and joys found in the ever-changing landscape of modern parenting. Her blog With Fail chronicles her journey as a writer. Angela also dead-blogs about the remarkable life of her grandmother on the aptly-named My Dead Grandmother.