The Friendship Tango

Image courtesy of Aleksa D. /

Image courtesy of Aleksa D. /

by Nicole Moreno

One Sunday morning my husband and I were having another “friendship” disagreement over some turkey bacon and sunny-side eggs. Every romantic relationship has a main disagreement or argument. Ours is friendships. Why would something so wonderful as friends get us a little upset? Well quite simply we view friends and friendships massively different.

We wish sometimes that friendships were like television friendships, where you hang out with the same people and you all know each other so well. But just like many human beings Nicholas and I have groups of friends.

  • His high school friends
  • His college friends
  • His MBA friends
  • My college friends,
  • My fraternity brothers
  • My marketing friends
  • My nonprofit colleagues

Some friends your friendship is just about you two. It works best if you two do solo things while others can hang out with groups. Some love day dates, others love the nightlife. Some you can travel with others you just don’t. Some read books others read People magazine.

With that said, I am very particular of who I hang out with and for how long. I don’t storm off or anything. It’s simple enough, if we are not compatible as friends, I won’t hang out with you. I would wish you the best in life and I hope that you find happiness but I don’t need to be there. The difference between my husband and I is that usually figure this out within a few interactions while he will try to work it out. Which is admirable and his kindness is something I look up to. I just can’t pull myself to have lunch with you and all I want to do is go read a book or something.

As the eldest child, I wanted to spread this life philosophy. I have told my youngest sister since she was nine that your friends change; that it is not bad or evil, its just life. You can be close for a year or five and then all of sudden you two are not close. You can have a work colleague that becomes a dear friend.
I also told her that someone could stop liking you. You could do nothing wrong, you simply just didn’t fit into that person’s life anymore. I know probably too deep of a message to give to a 4th grader but we are 12 years apart and I was babysitting her. It was nice to hear her say when she was in middle school, “Oh Elizabeth and I aren’t friends anymore. It’s okay.” Instead of crying about or thinking to herself what she did wrong.

But back to the morning argument. So remember how I mentioned about three paragraphs ago, that I am the eldest child. I naturally take charge. I usually call my friends, and plan our next outing. But what do you do if your friend is late to respond? How long do you wait? I am aware that people need to take a break from life sometimes. You know have their “Eat, Pray, Love” moments.

Needless to say, is that you have to reevaluate each of your friendships. Where do they rank if you life? Do you want them still? Do you like hanging out with them? Do they make you feel good about yourself? (Very important question) Are they a “weddings and funerals friends” or are they a “dear” friend?

I wish I could give you some more advice or a longer article to read or tell you that my husband and I will never argue about this but that will be a lie. I will instead end on a positive note. You are a true gem of person. You deserve wonderful people in your life that make you feel amazing. So go out and find it with class and poise.

Nicole Moreno has always considered herself more of a city girl, however she grew up in the outskirts of Gilroy, a little country town just two hours south of San Francisco. From her internship days at KPIX 5 in San Francisco to her current position as an Event Coordinator for American Cancer Society she has always had a product or company to promote. Currently she is a member of the San Francisco chapter of the American Marketing Association, Alpha Kappa Psi Business Fraternity, Bay Area Advertising Relief Committee and volunteers with Alzheimer’s Association and Reading Partners.