by Hopeful Mom-to-be

My husband and I are blessed with a beautiful baby daughter and we wanted to try for a second baby when she turned one. I was fortunate to have such a great pregnancy the first time around that it just seemed that it would be the same the second time around. My husband and I became pregnant the first time as soon as we started trying. I had an amazing pregnancy with no morning sickness or major health issues. And my delivery went great ending with a healthy, happy baby girl.

With the second attempt to get pregnant I expected things to go as smoothly as the first. And at first things were going well. My husband and I became pregnant within a month of trying. We were ecstatic. We wanted to share the wonderful news with everyone but unlike the first pregnancy I had hesitation to do so.  Maybe it was my intuition telling me something was not right.

Since I had been pregnant before I knew all the signs that came along with it – sore breasts, exhaustion, and more. The first few weeks I was tired but not as tired as my first pregnancy. I also noticed that things that started to occur with my first were not happening with this pregnancy. I feared and sensed something was not right but I tried to remain positive saying to myself it is just a different pregnancy.

The fact that due to my age, 37, I was a high risk pregnancy and therefore I was so much more concerned this time around about the baby. I could not ignore my intuition so I went in for an early ultrasound at nine weeks. I remember that awful day so well. The technician asked me how far along was the pregnancy because she noted that the embryo appeared to be only six weeks.  And then she told me something every women dreads to hear – there was no heartbeat. I had a miscarriage. I was so devastated. I could not stop crying and all I could think of was that I knew. I knew all along that something was not right, I knew that my baby was not growing inside of me.

But what made it even more difficult is that my husband and I had shared the news with some family and friends. And now we had to share the sad news. It was so hard to share the news because every time I told the story I relived my heartache of losing my baby.

What happens after you know you have had a miscarriage? I can tell you physically what happens but emotionally it is another story. I was lucky that my body did what it was supposed to do and within a week my body went through the process to reject the embryo.

It was such a difficult process both physically and emotionally. I cried for the baby that I would never have. I thought about the baby sibling my daughter would never get to meet. The baby’s delivery date was forever in my memory and now I had to deal with the sad reality that we would not have a baby for the new year.

Where do my husband and I go from here? I open up my journey with you to know that you are not alone if you are struggling to conceive. I hope that at the end of the series I can write a final article that ends with a happy, healthy baby. But for now I don’t know what the future holds for me. I am only a hopeful mom-to-be.

Hopeful Mom-to-be is a contributing writer who is sharing her journey to conceive a baby. By sharing her story she is hoping to help anyone going through difficulties conceiving or who has been through a miscarriage to know that they are alone.